A lot of people tell me that surgery is a drastic step and that it shouldn’t be made lightly. The easy and simple response is “I know” but what a lot of people don’t know is that this decision has been the hardest one I have had to make in my life so far. I would however, like to let you all know a few of the reasons that pointed me in this direction as well as a few things I am concerned about after surgery:
- Travel: I use to fly to and from work every 3 weeks and now I travel internationally. These flights in cattle class are not comfortable as it is, let alone when you are over 120kgs and a size 20-22. The international flight isn’t as bad as they seem to have slightly bigger seat-belts however domestic travel is horrible. I would have to suck everything in just to get the belt done up and would pray for the seat-belt sign to go off so I could quickly remove it and breathe properly again. Flying is so uncomfortable.
- Clothing: I hate clothes shopping and not even because it is near impossible to find anything in regular stores that actually fits me but because when I do find something it costs an arm and a leg ($69 upwards) and more often than not it is hideous. I am not a person who wears a lot of colour so finding something nice can be very difficult. I do look forward to the day when I can fit into a size 12-14 from Target at a more reasonable price of $39. However I fear it will still be hideous at any size. Hahaha.
- Relationships: Now I know what you are all going to say and the answer is “No, I am not having surgery because of a boy” Apart from the fact I don’t have a partner in my life at the moment, I have never seemed to have any issues finding one no matter my size. I would however like to feel comfortable within my own body. This has always been an issue for me and eventually gets in the way of my relationships. I believe I will gain a little more confidence from my life change.
I do also have a few concerns about what will change after surgery. Whilst I am looking forward to shrinking down and looking less like a potato I am worried about a few things. I would love to know if anyone else has these thoughts too:
- Friends & Family: Whilst I know my immediate family are all very supportive of me no matter what I do and are standing by me through this change, I am worried that they do not understand why I am doing it. I am also worried that once I do start shrinking down that my friends and work colleagues will treat me differently because I look differently. Whilst I realise it is no one else’s business except my own, I do feel there could be some issues.
- Relationships: Look at that, this word has popped up again. I bet you are all thinking that this is something that I am after. Well aren’t we all looking for someone to accept us for who we are? ….. Anyway, this is not a relationship blog, it is a weight-loss blog. I a worried that some men who once never gave me the time of day will suddenly start to. Whilst most would be happy with that, me I am not. I would like to hope that a man could love me no matter my size. After all, I am the same person on the inside (except I only have 20% of my stomach left) I also fear that certain people would want to become my friend now only because I am smaller and more likely to fit in with “their” crowd.
Whilst I realise who my true friends are, I am hoping that I don’t have too many conflicting feelings and these kinds of issues while I am in my first year of change. I feel like this is going to be hard enough already and I don’t want it to feel like I am in High School again, fighting for the popular people to like me.